In a large, rectangular ship's container open at both end we stood watching as the plane, huge and heavy, flew lower and lower. It seemed to take forever but in seconds it was there, one of the huge jet engines, spinning and sucking, tipped and fell downwards while the rest of the plane flew over us.
"Run!" I yelled, grabbing you by the arm, and we ran into the maze of brightly coloured, painted boxes passing for houses. We ducked behind something vaguely grey and brick like while the world exploded in brilliant white light. I looked over at you but there was no one there.
I wake up to find myself bathed in the remnants of a moon, waning and setting into the woods beyond the lake but its light, so bright I think I've left a light on, startles me. I get up because now that I'm awake I have to pee, the dregs of adrenaline from trying to escape the downed plane's engine still leave me shaken.
It's 4am and now what?
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
Monday, March 4, 2013
nothing save a horizon..
I've been thinking a lot about death lately. It happens this time of year. Always around the first 3 months of a new year we lose people and as I get older I see more and more that my friends as well as myself are clobbered by loss. It's hard to lose people we love but I can't help thinking about what death does to the living especially the not related to, acquaintances of, or the folks that knew the name but never really knew the person who have died.
As the world becomes more connected and with more options to connect it gets harder to draw the lines sometimes between what is private and what isn't and death is rarely private these days. It often gets leaked or announced before the actual family is ready to have this done and then once it's out it seems to take on a life all of its own whether the family wish it or not, death is very public and everyone wants to somehow feel connected, be a part of it somehow.
One of the things I find most interesting and often a little sad is how death turns people into total hypocrites. I remember from way back a kid I knew died of sudden and unexpected causes, he wasn't well liked but once he was dead he was the most popular kid on the block. I was puzzled by this behaviour because it seemed so odd. Everyone knew who his friends were and who hated him yet after he was dead they were ALL suddenly his friends. I wanted to know why this wasn't the case in life. He was a peripheral acquaintance of mine, his real friends were my friends but his life and my life rarely intersected. I was sad to hear he had died and I attended the funeral which was open to all, it was a packed church, but only family were allowed at the grave site. After the funeral a bunch of us hung out and shared stories, well mostly I listened because I didn't have any stories to share.
I see this often, this need to suddenly be a part of the dead person's life after the fact. The need to memorialize, make larger than life, and somehow connect to the one who has gone is a puzzle for me. Why do we do it? Especially if the person in question wasn't well liked or well known? And if the latter why did the people who are suddenly mourning the terrible loss not do more for the person when they were alive?
I have known death my whole life, mostly as a peripheral thing, people died in car accidents, parents of friends, grandparents overseas, uncles and aunts never met but occasionally it touched home as well. School mates I liked and played with. there one day, gone the next, brain cancer, bone cancer, accidental drowning, you name it I've heard it. Pets also died, beloved dogs, grumpy bad tempered cats. Things die. This is how it goes so why the fuss after the person is dead?
I often wonder what the immediate family must think of all the extra notice and fuss, all the memorials and sudden need to be a part of it. Did they want this all made public as well? Do they want all the tributes and the fuss, the constant reminders that their loved one is gone. I remember when my father died, he was 54 and I was in my late 20's. It was a bad time for us because I wanted to be free of parental bonds and he wanted to protect, we hadn't talked a lot and when we did it was tense. He died before we could resolve this, before we moved out of this phase onto the next so it was hard. And weird. He wasn't there anymore. I was lucky in some respects because I had to return to school very shortly after he died and only came home for the memorial service, the church was packed. My dad had a lot of friends and knew a lot of people who really liked and respected him.
I remember one young man coming up to me at the reception afterwards, he was a member of the CLB band and told me my dad would be missed and it was a terrible loss. I think I shrugged. I told him he was dead but as long as we remembered and told stories of him he was not gone, not really. It was in that moment I understood, when it comes to death, I'm pretty pragmatic. This doesn't mean I don't grieve or mourn or miss him like crazy I did and still do but this is life and the world never stops turning. I am however grateful that facebook and web blogs and twitter didn't exist at the time because I think it would have driven me crazy. It's a personal thing, the loss of a loved one and now a days it seems to be more about what the masses think and feel in a very public sometimes very ugly way. Someone once told me that death makes great liars out of people. This truth is oddly ironic since death is about as true as it gets. I understand the Irish and their wakes. Get plastered, tell stories and remember.
It seems to me that we would far better serve people by being kind to them while they are alive rather than waxing poetic after the fact. The dead don't care and as for the living, well I'd be inclined to ask the immediate family and closest friends how best to serve the memory of the departed before anything else.
As the world becomes more connected and with more options to connect it gets harder to draw the lines sometimes between what is private and what isn't and death is rarely private these days. It often gets leaked or announced before the actual family is ready to have this done and then once it's out it seems to take on a life all of its own whether the family wish it or not, death is very public and everyone wants to somehow feel connected, be a part of it somehow.
One of the things I find most interesting and often a little sad is how death turns people into total hypocrites. I remember from way back a kid I knew died of sudden and unexpected causes, he wasn't well liked but once he was dead he was the most popular kid on the block. I was puzzled by this behaviour because it seemed so odd. Everyone knew who his friends were and who hated him yet after he was dead they were ALL suddenly his friends. I wanted to know why this wasn't the case in life. He was a peripheral acquaintance of mine, his real friends were my friends but his life and my life rarely intersected. I was sad to hear he had died and I attended the funeral which was open to all, it was a packed church, but only family were allowed at the grave site. After the funeral a bunch of us hung out and shared stories, well mostly I listened because I didn't have any stories to share.
I see this often, this need to suddenly be a part of the dead person's life after the fact. The need to memorialize, make larger than life, and somehow connect to the one who has gone is a puzzle for me. Why do we do it? Especially if the person in question wasn't well liked or well known? And if the latter why did the people who are suddenly mourning the terrible loss not do more for the person when they were alive?
I have known death my whole life, mostly as a peripheral thing, people died in car accidents, parents of friends, grandparents overseas, uncles and aunts never met but occasionally it touched home as well. School mates I liked and played with. there one day, gone the next, brain cancer, bone cancer, accidental drowning, you name it I've heard it. Pets also died, beloved dogs, grumpy bad tempered cats. Things die. This is how it goes so why the fuss after the person is dead?
I often wonder what the immediate family must think of all the extra notice and fuss, all the memorials and sudden need to be a part of it. Did they want this all made public as well? Do they want all the tributes and the fuss, the constant reminders that their loved one is gone. I remember when my father died, he was 54 and I was in my late 20's. It was a bad time for us because I wanted to be free of parental bonds and he wanted to protect, we hadn't talked a lot and when we did it was tense. He died before we could resolve this, before we moved out of this phase onto the next so it was hard. And weird. He wasn't there anymore. I was lucky in some respects because I had to return to school very shortly after he died and only came home for the memorial service, the church was packed. My dad had a lot of friends and knew a lot of people who really liked and respected him.
I remember one young man coming up to me at the reception afterwards, he was a member of the CLB band and told me my dad would be missed and it was a terrible loss. I think I shrugged. I told him he was dead but as long as we remembered and told stories of him he was not gone, not really. It was in that moment I understood, when it comes to death, I'm pretty pragmatic. This doesn't mean I don't grieve or mourn or miss him like crazy I did and still do but this is life and the world never stops turning. I am however grateful that facebook and web blogs and twitter didn't exist at the time because I think it would have driven me crazy. It's a personal thing, the loss of a loved one and now a days it seems to be more about what the masses think and feel in a very public sometimes very ugly way. Someone once told me that death makes great liars out of people. This truth is oddly ironic since death is about as true as it gets. I understand the Irish and their wakes. Get plastered, tell stories and remember.
It seems to me that we would far better serve people by being kind to them while they are alive rather than waxing poetic after the fact. The dead don't care and as for the living, well I'd be inclined to ask the immediate family and closest friends how best to serve the memory of the departed before anything else.
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
The art of artiness
It's been a busy month for art for me. I have a quite a list of things to do so I started by doing stuff I don't do all that often and that is the acrylics in the Re-Cycled series. The Re-Cycled series is straight forward. How do we reuse old computer bits in a productive way? It began before recycling the junk for its hoard of precious metals was a thing, when the US was sending it's electronic garbage to any country that would accept it. I thought this was wrong and sort of stupid way back when and lucky for me because of that way of thinking I was able to stock up on a ton of computery bits and bobs...to make art from.
The Re-Cycled project is fun because I don't much care what other people think of it really it's for me. I get to play with colour and computer bits and experiment and have fun which is why nine time out of ten the painting titles are puns.
This leads me to the "I have a singular sense of humour" portion of the blog... nine times out of ten no one gets the puns so I guess that's a big fat fail on my side but I don't much care about that either.
You're reading the words of a woman who thinks the funniest joke in the universe is "Where does napoleon keep his armies?"
"Where?" you ask already knowing the answer will make you wish you hadn't.
"Why, up his sleevies of course!"
So you see ...I tell a lot of visual puns through the Re-Cycled series.
Why?
Well mainly because it's fun.
This piece was inspired by a kid's joke I read on facebook a while back.
The title is "Where do astronauts go to drink?" I'll let you guys figure it out.
I'm a big fan of colour and combining colour with the right computer piece. I like to use gold leaf as accents because there is a significant amount of gold in computer components and before someone got smart, we threw that shit away...seriously.
This particular piece is a statement about the ever changing universe of tech and computers. It's called "Windows Obsolete" everything I used ( except for the canvas and paint) is a part that is now scrap, considered obsolete and useless, as is the programme the image was based on. (Win 95)
Computer tech and geeks like the art because they identify the bits and they sometimes identify with the bits too, "I remember when I had to fix so and so's computer because that blasted chip broke..." There are stories within the stories and every time someone tells me a story that my art made them remember it's a gift.
I personally think computer innards are gorgeous and someone somewhere sat down and designed each and every piece which is also a form of art. I like to think that, all puns aside, I place their art on a pretty platform and make it my art too. making something that was once expensive and used that became obsolete and scrap to something unique and maybe even beautiful. Of all the art I create this series is the one most people like the least and I get that. It's abstract and sometimes a bit childish but for me it's an important statement that just because one set of users discard the materials as junk someone else somewhere will find it to be magnificent. That someone in this case is me. And if I am the only person who gets my silly puns then that's okay too.
The Re-Cycled project is fun because I don't much care what other people think of it really it's for me. I get to play with colour and computer bits and experiment and have fun which is why nine time out of ten the painting titles are puns.
This leads me to the "I have a singular sense of humour" portion of the blog... nine times out of ten no one gets the puns so I guess that's a big fat fail on my side but I don't much care about that either.
You're reading the words of a woman who thinks the funniest joke in the universe is "Where does napoleon keep his armies?"
"Where?" you ask already knowing the answer will make you wish you hadn't.
"Why, up his sleevies of course!"
So you see ...I tell a lot of visual puns through the Re-Cycled series.
Why?
Well mainly because it's fun.
This piece was inspired by a kid's joke I read on facebook a while back.
The title is "Where do astronauts go to drink?" I'll let you guys figure it out.
I'm a big fan of colour and combining colour with the right computer piece. I like to use gold leaf as accents because there is a significant amount of gold in computer components and before someone got smart, we threw that shit away...seriously.
This particular piece is a statement about the ever changing universe of tech and computers. It's called "Windows Obsolete" everything I used ( except for the canvas and paint) is a part that is now scrap, considered obsolete and useless, as is the programme the image was based on. (Win 95)
Computer tech and geeks like the art because they identify the bits and they sometimes identify with the bits too, "I remember when I had to fix so and so's computer because that blasted chip broke..." There are stories within the stories and every time someone tells me a story that my art made them remember it's a gift.
I personally think computer innards are gorgeous and someone somewhere sat down and designed each and every piece which is also a form of art. I like to think that, all puns aside, I place their art on a pretty platform and make it my art too. making something that was once expensive and used that became obsolete and scrap to something unique and maybe even beautiful. Of all the art I create this series is the one most people like the least and I get that. It's abstract and sometimes a bit childish but for me it's an important statement that just because one set of users discard the materials as junk someone else somewhere will find it to be magnificent. That someone in this case is me. And if I am the only person who gets my silly puns then that's okay too.
Sunday, January 20, 2013
The Money Pit
the week off was productive.
- trees felled and shrubbery pulled up
-log-holder made and space for the logs to stack cleared
-sandbox / dumping area for garden refuse GONE!!!!
-porch cleaned, old coat rack mirror thing removed, bookshelf removed, and the walls repainted ( the new show cupboard now must wait for a replacement door)
- Hall closet gutted and repainted , new hook rack mounted and unused coats removed to be sorted out.
many many trips to the Baumarket were made, many viewings at furniture shops were also done. I'm all shopped out.
but January so far has been productive which is a good thing since we have a LOT to do.
- trees felled and shrubbery pulled up
-log-holder made and space for the logs to stack cleared
-sandbox / dumping area for garden refuse GONE!!!!
-porch cleaned, old coat rack mirror thing removed, bookshelf removed, and the walls repainted ( the new show cupboard now must wait for a replacement door)
- Hall closet gutted and repainted , new hook rack mounted and unused coats removed to be sorted out.
many many trips to the Baumarket were made, many viewings at furniture shops were also done. I'm all shopped out.
but January so far has been productive which is a good thing since we have a LOT to do.
Sunday, January 13, 2013
2013 so far
It's been busy. Last year we bought this house which meant we inherited a jungle of a garden that no one has really taken care of for the 10 years before we moved in and our attempts have been mainly scratching the surface.
so far...
We missed going to coronation because work is insane this time of year for M. Heard there were a few interesting things that happened and it looked fun. We almost never get to go to 12th night because of work unless it's near by. Am looking forward to this year. Some changes coming up and ThorvaldR and his GF Tofa are a lot of fun. Crown tourney will be big since the couple coming in will be crowned at 20 years, though it's this king and queen who will get all the organizational stuff to deal with. So am happy we have an experienced king in place.
the goal will be to make some new garb and overhaul the Signet office big time. It's in dire need of some serious changes to streamline the process better.
501st events will be insane this year. We already have lego land DK and CEII booked, we're thinking about Legland DE as well as Bayern park( tho that remains to be seen) Plus what ever small events come up. We definitely need new costumes.
CEII is going to be fraking huge but then again so is Fedcon and we're booked for that as well which means no double wars again this year since now both events happen at the same time. I don't miss medieval camping much and given that the Sheraton is very nice and just over the walkway from the con hotel I guess I can safely say I'm getting old(er) because I like my bathrooms private and my showers hot and my bed without insects and cold.
Dirk has added a new con this year Galaxy con which we are thinking about seriously...James Edward Olmos is the star guest and I'd really like to hear him speak but we'll have to see.
The house ( better known as The Money Pit) needs new windows upstairs and the bathroom renovations need to GET STARTED ALREADY. We also as mentioned above have begun work on the le jungle. Saturday saw a mass action of tree felling and wood chopping and underbrush and shrubbery clearing. Good that we ordered a dumpster to get rid of it all. Of course I'm not as fit as I once was and a day of physically hard labour does me in so today I spent much of it on the couch dozing.
so far...
so far...
We missed going to coronation because work is insane this time of year for M. Heard there were a few interesting things that happened and it looked fun. We almost never get to go to 12th night because of work unless it's near by. Am looking forward to this year. Some changes coming up and ThorvaldR and his GF Tofa are a lot of fun. Crown tourney will be big since the couple coming in will be crowned at 20 years, though it's this king and queen who will get all the organizational stuff to deal with. So am happy we have an experienced king in place.
the goal will be to make some new garb and overhaul the Signet office big time. It's in dire need of some serious changes to streamline the process better.
501st events will be insane this year. We already have lego land DK and CEII booked, we're thinking about Legland DE as well as Bayern park( tho that remains to be seen) Plus what ever small events come up. We definitely need new costumes.
CEII is going to be fraking huge but then again so is Fedcon and we're booked for that as well which means no double wars again this year since now both events happen at the same time. I don't miss medieval camping much and given that the Sheraton is very nice and just over the walkway from the con hotel I guess I can safely say I'm getting old(er) because I like my bathrooms private and my showers hot and my bed without insects and cold.
Dirk has added a new con this year Galaxy con which we are thinking about seriously...James Edward Olmos is the star guest and I'd really like to hear him speak but we'll have to see.
The house ( better known as The Money Pit) needs new windows upstairs and the bathroom renovations need to GET STARTED ALREADY. We also as mentioned above have begun work on the le jungle. Saturday saw a mass action of tree felling and wood chopping and underbrush and shrubbery clearing. Good that we ordered a dumpster to get rid of it all. Of course I'm not as fit as I once was and a day of physically hard labour does me in so today I spent much of it on the couch dozing.
so far...
Sunday, January 6, 2013
Art and peer pressure
So I succumbed to peer pressure and now have a facebook page for my art. I post pictures and talk about it. Feel free to look / join.
https://www.facebook.com/ReCycledCrowsArt
https://www.facebook.com/ReCycledCrowsArt
just pinch me...
I must admit, extremist statements like "Ban all modern things" really bother me. The SCA started as a backyard BBQ for friends to celebrate a graduation and people enjoyed it so much it continued and spread. It was fun based not accurazi based.
The not so accurate issue the SCA had has changed quite a bit because in order to survive and grow it had to. The level of "periodness" we have in this kingdom is very high when compared to others and there are a whole lot less modern things than there could be but let's examine that statement for a bit. "Ban all modern things"
This would mean I could not wear my glasses because they are in their current form very modern. There would also be no hearing aides. Or pretty well anything made with an industrial machine ( so most of the cloth many of us use because that too is modern. Most people don't have hand made period style foot wear so we'd be running around barefoot.
Our current bathrooms and facilities are also VERY modern so we'd have to do away with those, as are the kitchen equipment. And let's not forget about electricity - very modern.
No clocks or watches ( and heaven forbid anyone have anything digital near by)
No coffee. No chocolate on site either. No toothpaste, no nice smelling shampoo out of a convenient plastic bottle or deo, and no telephones in case of emergencies. Not hot running water for showers and dishes....
The list goes on.
The statement "Ban all modern things" is extreme and not very helpful. The SCA is a mixture as Annika has said and quite frankly Drachenwald is probably the most period kingdom out there but the SCA is not a die hard re-enactment group. There are plenty around, the Company of Saynt George comes to mind. http://www.companie-of-st-george.ch/cms/?q=en/The_Company
These folks are incredible at "getting it right" and if this is the sort of no modern things a person is looking for then I would suggest that groups such as this are perhaps more suitable.
One of the great things about the SCA was the nice mix of accuracy mingled with the modern, Anachronism. That which doesn't belong in the place and the time. The middle Ages as they SHOULD have been.
Making vast sweeping and extreme statements like ban all modern things needs to be carefully examined because really that encompasses A LOT of things.
It's nice when an event strives to get it right but I think it is also important to remember that one person's version of fun is not the same for another. That for some people the SCA is a hobby and a social thing not a museum exersize in living in the middle ages. Most people do their best to not be too glaringly modern but since we don't actually live in the middle ages but rather the 21st century the modern will intrude anyway.
As for "living the Dream". I certainly do not Dream the SCA, I go to get away from my modern life, to relax, to see my friends, have a nice time and if I'm really lucky learn some cool stuff. I would ask that people remember this and it's not a Dream for everyone it's a hobby with many people doing many things one of which is taking pictures to remember the good times by and given the number of times I get asked to share my photos of events I'm thinking many other people are also happy with this too.
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
a curious discussion
on going on facebook concerning art. Time vs value. The underlying
statement being that the more time spent on a work of art the more value
placed on said piece. I find this a rather odd way of thinking I guess
because my own styles mean I work very fast, this includes the medieval
stuff too. So does the fact that I spent less time on a work of art than
someone else lessen the value of my art vs theirs simply because I A:
work faster or B. have a style that doesn't take as much time?
I find that while adding time into the art value equation is valid and necessary for determining monetary value )( ie. for sale) in the end it should not be the only factor and simply because one person spends less time on a work of art than another does not lessen the actual value of the art in any way shape of form especially as art is subjective anyway. I went to art college and have that piece of paper, I went to college and have a degree in Art history too, I put my time into the school system to work through the academic side of this, I also work at being an artist pretty much on a daily basis with various techniques and materials. In essence I've done my time so why is my art less valuable than another person's simple because of the number of hours spent on it?
I find I get rather ticked off with the whole discussion. I'm lucky in that I don't have to live off my art but that doesn't mean I am any less of an artist. I've been selling work since I was 15 but I chose to go a different route in terms of actually making a living. Does this choice devalue my art? Is what I produce less than what someone else produces because I don't live off it or spend as much time making it? I also choose to give a lot of art away ( not including the sca stuff) because in doing so I am giving gifts of my talent, my art and above all else my time. Giving art away doesn't lessen the value either, it's a gift from me to said person.
I have to walk away from this particular conversation because I get tired of my art being devalued simply because I didn't spend a magical number of hours on it. If hours spent is the only factor we will use to place a figure value on art then I will always be on the low end of the list. I rarely sell my art because trying to put a monetary figure on it is impossible, giving it to people as a gift is priceless and it makes people happy which for me is far more important than money.
I find that while adding time into the art value equation is valid and necessary for determining monetary value )( ie. for sale) in the end it should not be the only factor and simply because one person spends less time on a work of art than another does not lessen the actual value of the art in any way shape of form especially as art is subjective anyway. I went to art college and have that piece of paper, I went to college and have a degree in Art history too, I put my time into the school system to work through the academic side of this, I also work at being an artist pretty much on a daily basis with various techniques and materials. In essence I've done my time so why is my art less valuable than another person's simple because of the number of hours spent on it?
I find I get rather ticked off with the whole discussion. I'm lucky in that I don't have to live off my art but that doesn't mean I am any less of an artist. I've been selling work since I was 15 but I chose to go a different route in terms of actually making a living. Does this choice devalue my art? Is what I produce less than what someone else produces because I don't live off it or spend as much time making it? I also choose to give a lot of art away ( not including the sca stuff) because in doing so I am giving gifts of my talent, my art and above all else my time. Giving art away doesn't lessen the value either, it's a gift from me to said person.
I have to walk away from this particular conversation because I get tired of my art being devalued simply because I didn't spend a magical number of hours on it. If hours spent is the only factor we will use to place a figure value on art then I will always be on the low end of the list. I rarely sell my art because trying to put a monetary figure on it is impossible, giving it to people as a gift is priceless and it makes people happy which for me is far more important than money.
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
ja ja move along...
I have not posted in ages this is because I am insanely busy, even though I feel like I accomplish nothing and what I really want to write I shall have to think long and hard about how to word.
in the mean time...
in the mean time...
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
fragile
Everyone who has ever been into space and seen the world from that high up says the same thing, how small we are, how fragile the world looks. Precarious is always the word that comes to my mind when I read or hear comments like these.
We inhabit a small space, really the Earth is small, and we're protected by this thin layer of atmosphere, when you look at pictures from space it's like a veil of gauzy pale blue. Dandelion fluff. Fragile, precious. And we human beings who like to think we rule the universe with our money, politics and our important lives are really blips on the map. Momentary fragments that vanish in a cosmic blink.
Someone once told me, when I got all bent out of shape over something trivial though it felt huge at the time to think; Will anyone care about this in a hundred years? If the answer is no, then let it go.
Sound advice that's incredibly hard to follow some days.
We live our lives. Good days and bad and we forget that there is just so much more than us. So. Much. More.
When I was very young I remember thinking I had to go outside to watch things happen because if I saw it from behind a window it wasn't real. The glass changed my reality and at 8 years old that was quite some perception. Open windows and open space. I was a strange little Scottish girl with weird ideas on how the world worked. I have not really changed all that much.
When I was ten and we moved to northern Newfoundland I remember one night staring up at the brilliantly clear sky in awe at planets and stars wishing that whatever it was that made me see all of this magic never left me. I never wanted to change. Of course I did, but that ability to see magic in everything stayed and I am very grateful. I never wanted to be one of those frowney faced grownups I saw all the time, I never wanted to be like the two women I once shared a class with who were so old and so stuck in their ways even though they were not really much older that I was at the time that not only were they unhappy but they managed to infect everyone else with their unhappy as well. I, who am descended from gypsies, never ever wanted to be like that. I wore crazy clothes, wrote mad poetry, stuck my tongue out in every photo and drank beer with my mad, fab prof never ever wanted to be like that. It didn't win my any popularity contests but I didn't much care.
When my dad died it was earth shattering in so many ways there are not enough words to describe them all. People die every day but when you stand and watch someone's last breath leave their body there's no coming back from that. Gone. forever. And the lesson I took away from this was that life is fragile. In the blink of an eye everything changes. There is no going back. Ever.
Lesson learned. Every single day things change. People I love will die, will be hurt, will know pain. It sounds very drama llama I know but this is the state of me. I am aware everything changes all the time and even in the happiest of moments there will be sorrow. You cannot have one without the other. Change, as much as I hate it, flail against it, dig my heels, fight, curse and swear will happen anyway. It's given me a low tolerance threshold for bullshit, rudeness, jealousy and all the other garbage that feeds our demented egos into doing really ugly things. I don't put up with crap, I speak my mind though mostly I try to be polite about it( not always) and I don't really care too much about what other people think, especially about me. No really I don't. Like me, hate me or ignore me I do not care. I am a tiny blip on a tiny planet hanging precariously in space. In a hundred years no one will even know who I was. Only right here right now matters.
After my father's death before his memorial service when I was away from home, back at school and feeling very very alone I remember lying in bed crushed by the depth of loss. I learned, in the dark, to breathe and let the sorrow wash through me, to allow it to be and accept it for what it is. This is a moment, accept it and move on because you can only go forward. I still experience these odd points in time where an unbelievable, overwhelming sadness takes my breath away but I close my eyes and let it journey through me until I can breathe again and walk on. One step at a time. Suck it up buttercup. Push through the pain and go forward.
Now 4 years shy of 50 I know my journey on this planet is pretty much half over if you calculate that most people live to around 90 ( give or take). I'm on the down side of the hill and I'm okay with this. I don't regret a thing. Not one. Every single step I have taken, every single hard lesson learned, kindness given and received, loves lost and found have led me to this moment, right here right now and it is a good place. It won't stay that way, nothing ever does, but in this moment, in the sunlight and the morning quiet I know that every second, good or bad, is precious and that I am lucky. Incredibly lucky. And I am grateful for all of it.
They tell you to cherish each day, to live each moment as though it would be your last. I don't take this to mean be manic and go around doing amazing things etc... I take this to mean be aware. Life is short. Words have lasting power. Stop for a moment and breathe, watch birds fly, smile at a stranger, be kind, mind your manners and remember to say thank you. In the end I think we all want the same things, to be loved, to be noticed, to matter.
You only get one shot. Make it count, you know.
We inhabit a small space, really the Earth is small, and we're protected by this thin layer of atmosphere, when you look at pictures from space it's like a veil of gauzy pale blue. Dandelion fluff. Fragile, precious. And we human beings who like to think we rule the universe with our money, politics and our important lives are really blips on the map. Momentary fragments that vanish in a cosmic blink.
Someone once told me, when I got all bent out of shape over something trivial though it felt huge at the time to think; Will anyone care about this in a hundred years? If the answer is no, then let it go.
Sound advice that's incredibly hard to follow some days.
We live our lives. Good days and bad and we forget that there is just so much more than us. So. Much. More.
When I was very young I remember thinking I had to go outside to watch things happen because if I saw it from behind a window it wasn't real. The glass changed my reality and at 8 years old that was quite some perception. Open windows and open space. I was a strange little Scottish girl with weird ideas on how the world worked. I have not really changed all that much.
When I was ten and we moved to northern Newfoundland I remember one night staring up at the brilliantly clear sky in awe at planets and stars wishing that whatever it was that made me see all of this magic never left me. I never wanted to change. Of course I did, but that ability to see magic in everything stayed and I am very grateful. I never wanted to be one of those frowney faced grownups I saw all the time, I never wanted to be like the two women I once shared a class with who were so old and so stuck in their ways even though they were not really much older that I was at the time that not only were they unhappy but they managed to infect everyone else with their unhappy as well. I, who am descended from gypsies, never ever wanted to be like that. I wore crazy clothes, wrote mad poetry, stuck my tongue out in every photo and drank beer with my mad, fab prof never ever wanted to be like that. It didn't win my any popularity contests but I didn't much care.
When my dad died it was earth shattering in so many ways there are not enough words to describe them all. People die every day but when you stand and watch someone's last breath leave their body there's no coming back from that. Gone. forever. And the lesson I took away from this was that life is fragile. In the blink of an eye everything changes. There is no going back. Ever.
Lesson learned. Every single day things change. People I love will die, will be hurt, will know pain. It sounds very drama llama I know but this is the state of me. I am aware everything changes all the time and even in the happiest of moments there will be sorrow. You cannot have one without the other. Change, as much as I hate it, flail against it, dig my heels, fight, curse and swear will happen anyway. It's given me a low tolerance threshold for bullshit, rudeness, jealousy and all the other garbage that feeds our demented egos into doing really ugly things. I don't put up with crap, I speak my mind though mostly I try to be polite about it( not always) and I don't really care too much about what other people think, especially about me. No really I don't. Like me, hate me or ignore me I do not care. I am a tiny blip on a tiny planet hanging precariously in space. In a hundred years no one will even know who I was. Only right here right now matters.
After my father's death before his memorial service when I was away from home, back at school and feeling very very alone I remember lying in bed crushed by the depth of loss. I learned, in the dark, to breathe and let the sorrow wash through me, to allow it to be and accept it for what it is. This is a moment, accept it and move on because you can only go forward. I still experience these odd points in time where an unbelievable, overwhelming sadness takes my breath away but I close my eyes and let it journey through me until I can breathe again and walk on. One step at a time. Suck it up buttercup. Push through the pain and go forward.
Now 4 years shy of 50 I know my journey on this planet is pretty much half over if you calculate that most people live to around 90 ( give or take). I'm on the down side of the hill and I'm okay with this. I don't regret a thing. Not one. Every single step I have taken, every single hard lesson learned, kindness given and received, loves lost and found have led me to this moment, right here right now and it is a good place. It won't stay that way, nothing ever does, but in this moment, in the sunlight and the morning quiet I know that every second, good or bad, is precious and that I am lucky. Incredibly lucky. And I am grateful for all of it.
They tell you to cherish each day, to live each moment as though it would be your last. I don't take this to mean be manic and go around doing amazing things etc... I take this to mean be aware. Life is short. Words have lasting power. Stop for a moment and breathe, watch birds fly, smile at a stranger, be kind, mind your manners and remember to say thank you. In the end I think we all want the same things, to be loved, to be noticed, to matter.
You only get one shot. Make it count, you know.
Monday, October 15, 2012
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Monday, October 8, 2012
soooooo
Crown was fun, silly, side achingly laughingly silly. I was tired, in pain and sort of drugged up on painkillers so I laughed a lot, wore old garb and did a lot of dishes. Back to the roots, well my roots are ren fair style garb, the kitchen and being generally bawdy and silly. If my back hadn't been so buggered I may have ended up dancing on the tables like the Randall, King of the East once did at a tiny event across the border oh so many many years ago.
It was quite the weekend and as an adventure it didn't begin quite the way we had planned, what with the flat tire and all 40 km away from our hotel. But we made it anyway thanks to the amazing service from the Audi service center in Suhl. We were in time to check in have a lovely meal at the hotel and then be there for the evening court which sent Lief and Gottfried to vigil, it was an awesome, fun and little sweetly silly court. The two vigils were set side by side with an open bar so I don't think I need to say much about that, we laughed a lot.
We stayed up until 2am then went to bed, got up early had breakfast to be on site for morning court. It was lovely and the weather held and people laughed at the right spots when the star wars scroll was held up and read out. I figured it would not be to everyone's taste but then again it doesn't matter as long as Lief was happy. A long time ago in a kingdom far far away suits the SCA very well and I think sometimes we forget this. Vive la revolution was in play and we played, had fun laughed did dishes and sang sea shanties.
We buggered off site at lunch time, ate something bad, took painkillers for the buggered back burst cyst thing what-ever then slept the afternoon away under a nifty fuzzy blanket and a heating pad, oh yay for heating pads. Sam and max kept me company. It was either sleep in the afternoon or not make it to evening court and evening court was way more important. Gottfried was laurelled, many awards were given out and a mass birthday party complete with silly hats, cake and noise makers ensued.
Sometimes it's about the friendships and the sheer joy of being with certain people who have the amazing ability to make everything shiny. Now we have heirs who will bring their own brand of special to the mix, I'm expecting lots and lots of joy, giggles and laughter so bring it on.
There were a few WTF moments, a few annoyances and a couple of disagreements but we, the collective, have decided that these are too unimportant to let them bother us and we ignored them in favour of laughter and awesomeness. I got some seriously good minion time with both my lovely fabprentices and got to spend some time with what may yet be our youngest scribe in training.
My hero of the weekend is and always will be Marcus who is grace under pressure and loving when I am cranky. And for the delightful, long breakfasts with C. and P. as well as some equally nice Q time with E and C. So many people found their way back from the awful sterility that's been clogging up the works lately and just went all out, let their hair down and showed some ankle. Stripey stockings FTW ladies and you know who you are.
this was a good good solid event, all things considered, for the barony a definite win. Thanks to everyone who made it simply amazing because you know you are all fucking awesome.
It was quite the weekend and as an adventure it didn't begin quite the way we had planned, what with the flat tire and all 40 km away from our hotel. But we made it anyway thanks to the amazing service from the Audi service center in Suhl. We were in time to check in have a lovely meal at the hotel and then be there for the evening court which sent Lief and Gottfried to vigil, it was an awesome, fun and little sweetly silly court. The two vigils were set side by side with an open bar so I don't think I need to say much about that, we laughed a lot.
We stayed up until 2am then went to bed, got up early had breakfast to be on site for morning court. It was lovely and the weather held and people laughed at the right spots when the star wars scroll was held up and read out. I figured it would not be to everyone's taste but then again it doesn't matter as long as Lief was happy. A long time ago in a kingdom far far away suits the SCA very well and I think sometimes we forget this. Vive la revolution was in play and we played, had fun laughed did dishes and sang sea shanties.
We buggered off site at lunch time, ate something bad, took painkillers for the buggered back burst cyst thing what-ever then slept the afternoon away under a nifty fuzzy blanket and a heating pad, oh yay for heating pads. Sam and max kept me company. It was either sleep in the afternoon or not make it to evening court and evening court was way more important. Gottfried was laurelled, many awards were given out and a mass birthday party complete with silly hats, cake and noise makers ensued.
Sometimes it's about the friendships and the sheer joy of being with certain people who have the amazing ability to make everything shiny. Now we have heirs who will bring their own brand of special to the mix, I'm expecting lots and lots of joy, giggles and laughter so bring it on.
There were a few WTF moments, a few annoyances and a couple of disagreements but we, the collective, have decided that these are too unimportant to let them bother us and we ignored them in favour of laughter and awesomeness. I got some seriously good minion time with both my lovely fabprentices and got to spend some time with what may yet be our youngest scribe in training.
My hero of the weekend is and always will be Marcus who is grace under pressure and loving when I am cranky. And for the delightful, long breakfasts with C. and P. as well as some equally nice Q time with E and C. So many people found their way back from the awful sterility that's been clogging up the works lately and just went all out, let their hair down and showed some ankle. Stripey stockings FTW ladies and you know who you are.
this was a good good solid event, all things considered, for the barony a definite win. Thanks to everyone who made it simply amazing because you know you are all fucking awesome.
Friday, September 28, 2012
someone always has the words.
I could not have summed up the SCA or how I currently feel any better so I will let Comtesse EzaBella Allyot, 19th Queen of Drachenwald, my dear friend and the woman who was my 1st queen in Drachenwald speak for me.
----
Within our society we have two types of people, Romantics and Authentics. Many people are blends of the two. I myself am a Romantic Authentic. My great passion and joy is in figuring out how they cut the fabric to achieve that look, and
----
Within our society we have two types of people, Romantics and Authentics. Many people are blends of the two. I myself am a Romantic Authentic. My great passion and joy is in figuring out how they cut the fabric to achieve that look, and
the
construction methods along the way. This has been such a great passion
for me, that I spent time within the Living History communities. In
fact, I help write the Norman Female Kit Guide for the Battle of
Hastings reenactments. Pictures of my family and friends, in the
clothing I sewed, were used as examples. It was very personally
rewarding for me, but at the end of the reenactments I walked away
thinking something was missing. There is no family in the living
history world, no sense of community, no village in which we raise our
children and we ourselves become better people.
The wonderful thing about the SCA is, there are no authenticity checks and there is always family. Some might argue the lack of authenticity checks are not wonderful. Without these checks, we get to have the Romantics as part of our society as well. They are the ones who bring the joy to those of us who have our noses buried in books and inches from monitor screens reading and searching for how this and that were done in period. They create for the pure joy of creating, they dance for the pure joy of dancing, they fight for the love of movement and beating up their friends, they sing for the laughs at their witticisms, they drink around campfires for the joy of time spent with friends. The Romantics infect us Authentics with this joy. Once I would have called myself just an Authentic. My love for beautiful Romantic people, has helped me find joy in more things than just how it was done in period. We as a Society cannot cater to just one type of person.
One of the proudest moments of my life was when I was told no one really expect much of me as Queen, but they were very pleasantly surprised to watch me become the heart of Drachenwald. I have left my beloved Kingdom only to insure my Drachenwald heart keeps beating as I continue my battle with bone cancer. I feel very strongly the Queen should embody what is best and good for the Kingdom.
Taking something away from the Kingdom, is never giving it something. Once changed, this cannot ever be undone. Making the SCA more authentic leaves so many of Your people unrepresented. This is not Living History. This is the Society for Creative Anachronism. We are a society. A society of people who want to believe in and love a Queen. Who want the pomp, circumstance, and pageantry that is missing from the modern world.
Taking something away from the Kingdom, forever as once done cannot be undone, is not giving it more.
...
The wonderful thing about the SCA is, there are no authenticity checks and there is always family. Some might argue the lack of authenticity checks are not wonderful. Without these checks, we get to have the Romantics as part of our society as well. They are the ones who bring the joy to those of us who have our noses buried in books and inches from monitor screens reading and searching for how this and that were done in period. They create for the pure joy of creating, they dance for the pure joy of dancing, they fight for the love of movement and beating up their friends, they sing for the laughs at their witticisms, they drink around campfires for the joy of time spent with friends. The Romantics infect us Authentics with this joy. Once I would have called myself just an Authentic. My love for beautiful Romantic people, has helped me find joy in more things than just how it was done in period. We as a Society cannot cater to just one type of person.
One of the proudest moments of my life was when I was told no one really expect much of me as Queen, but they were very pleasantly surprised to watch me become the heart of Drachenwald. I have left my beloved Kingdom only to insure my Drachenwald heart keeps beating as I continue my battle with bone cancer. I feel very strongly the Queen should embody what is best and good for the Kingdom.
Taking something away from the Kingdom, is never giving it something. Once changed, this cannot ever be undone. Making the SCA more authentic leaves so many of Your people unrepresented. This is not Living History. This is the Society for Creative Anachronism. We are a society. A society of people who want to believe in and love a Queen. Who want the pomp, circumstance, and pageantry that is missing from the modern world.
Taking something away from the Kingdom, forever as once done cannot be undone, is not giving it more.
...
republished with kind permission.
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
well that was different
I must admit when I went with Marcus to the bathroom showroom I never expected to have to sit on a toilet that moved so it would measure the right height. Like an elevator toilet. Don't need one at home but it was definitely interesting. It's also not often I get to lie in many bathtubs to test how they are, I think we found one that will be nice and work but it's funny to try and explain how I actually lie in a tub , well not really lie but what ever. The guy was cool, and he got the message. So now we are one step closer to a new bathroom. This is exciting. The next step will be tiles. ooooh tiles.
So let me get this straight...
that while yammering on about how we need to bring ourselves as a
kingdom more in line with what is now considered period... at an event not too long ago, a German who sang a
medieval song in medieval German was asked to do it in English and at that same event during a conversation it was uttered, apparently according to one American, that Germans have no sense of
medieval knightly romance ( what ever the fuck that means) that it's all the French.
So in the process of sneakily stripping away over 20 years of tradition because it's not perfectly period ( this is the SCA after all I don't think we can even use those words together with the name SCA ever) and then getting called out over it because telling one story to one person and another to another person didn't work out quite as well as planned, and whinging because we need to be more period and having a device for the consort isn't period said same person wanted a medieval song sung in medieval German redone in English.
I must admit the irony of this is not lost on me.
Now oh so many of us are counting down the days
So in the process of sneakily stripping away over 20 years of tradition because it's not perfectly period ( this is the SCA after all I don't think we can even use those words together with the name SCA ever) and then getting called out over it because telling one story to one person and another to another person didn't work out quite as well as planned, and whinging because we need to be more period and having a device for the consort isn't period said same person wanted a medieval song sung in medieval German redone in English.
I must admit the irony of this is not lost on me.
Now oh so many of us are counting down the days
Thursday, September 20, 2012
My very first star wars sketch card.
A week or so ago the 501st Face Book page had a little competition to win one of win a Star Wars Celebration VI 501st 15th Anniversary trading card pack! . The competition was to write why you loved the 501st. This was my entry.
The 501st is an extraordinary, as well as rare, combination of people who love star wars and who come together for a common good, to have fun and work for worthy causes. Not only are we lucky enough to meet so many amazing people within the
today my prize arrived in the mail.
This is what i got:
this was just magical.
The 501st is an extraordinary, as well as rare, combination of people who love star wars and who come together for a common good, to have fun and work for worthy causes. Not only are we lucky enough to meet so many amazing people within the
501st, fellow fans, costume enthusiasts, and brilliantly talented
artists, but we also get to share our passion and bring joy to other
people from all walks of life, many of whom are less fortunate or
gravely ill. We make a difference to so many lives, often without
realizing it, by bringing a smile to a sick child's face, or by
reminding adults what it was like to be a child again. We get to share
our joy by being joyful and that is why I love the 501st.
and I won.today my prize arrived in the mail.
This is what i got:
 |
| In the magic envelope |
 |
| Unopened and full of promise |
 |
| Opened and wow! |
 |
| Darth Vader Sketch card by David Michael Beck. |
 |
| close up, this is done in pencil and it's amazing |
 |
| The back |
 |
| framed ( with photo corners) |
 | ||
| place of honour among the Tsuneo Sanda R2 signed print and the Grant Gould signed prints. |
this was just magical.
Monday, August 27, 2012
hobbies
So...our holiday was great. In fact it was so great that I have the post holiday blues or at least I did until Sunday night my entire star wars related facebook f-lists went wild as the news spread that next year Star Wars Celebrations Europe will be held in Essen, Germany.
We were at Celebrations Europe in 2007 in London and it was a blast but this time I expect it will be even more fun because this time we are going as members of the 501st and we know a HELL of a lot more people in this circle of hobby. It's 333 days away and I am so jazzed it's scary.
It wasn't until after we had already booked our hotel and then went to bed did we think to ask if this event clashed with the other big event next year,namely Drachenwald 20 year celebration. My immediate statement was that if it did, then Star wars wins because right now we are having a LOT more fun with the 501st / sci fi crowd and events than we are with the SCA.
Luckily for us though there is no conflict. I'm relieved because there will be people coming I really want to see and hang out with it would be sad to miss them as well.
Still it got me thinking this morning about the two hobbies and how very different my current feelings are for them both. I know there are politics and nasty things that go on in the 501st, no group when it gets to a certain size is immune but so far we've managed quite deftly to stay the fuck away from any of that. What I love about the 501st and the star wars costuming groups in general is that there is a single thread that binds everyone, our love for Star wars. And it's fun. I mean it's Star wars come on it's not rocket science, it's fiction and fun. There is a desire to make fabulously exact costumes and be a part of the magic but it's not academia, unless you want it to be then I am pretty sure you could write a thesis about Star wars stuff if you really wanted to.
What I find is pushing me away from the SCA more and more is the ever present push towards extreme periodness and 100% accuracy. While this certainly is a nice goal to move towards the trend these days seems to be if you are not with us on this then you don't belong and I find that sad. This is not what the SCA WAS about. It's certainly not what I look for in the SCA. While I enjoy learning about the medieval world and even enjoy some aspects of recreating that world there's a limit and I don't much care beyond that limit. I'm not going to write lengthy academic papers on anything arts and sciency, and while it's cool that people do wish to do this, not everyone does, wants to or is even able to. Personally I did that for years in University and I've had enough. I know how to research and look stuff up but that's not something I want to do for this particular hobby all the time. I don't strive to be an exact copy of a painting although I admire it when others do. It's not my thing.
Someone asked me recently why the SCA doesn't feel like fun any more and I've done a lot of thinking about this. I can't say why other people don't find it as much fun but for me it stems from the lack of fun, relaxed social gatherings at events. For me the SCA was always a social thing before anything else. My friends play and events are often the only times we get face time to chit chat. So my being told that my chit chat with friends about life the universe and everything is destroying the game for others is like being told no shirt, no shoes, no tie = no entrance go home we don't want you here.
I don't get that feeling with the 501st. At troops where we don't know anyone I feel like an odd stick and it takes a bit before that newness wears off and we find people to talk to but it does happen and then once that barrier is down...the magic starts. At Bayern Park we made friends, we baked in the sun, it was an arduous troop but it was FUN. Although in the 501st vs the SCA in the arena of cooking over fire the SCA wins hands down.
In the last 24hours I have translated an announcement, booked a hotel for a friend and created a list of useful links on a couple of forums and everyone was really happy about this. I don't think I would ever attempt to do this in the SCA anymore without someone saying I am doing it wrong, or complaining about a lack of disclaimers or moaning about the hotel not being period. Hell it seems that anything one does for the SCA is never good enough.
I kinda miss the church basement, broad cloth, T-tunic, cooking on a hot plate and telling stories to pass the time days.It seems now more people are far more concerned with being important, getting rewarded and awards than just having some fun.
In the 501st and the SCA there is a definite push to be as accurate as possible but I guess since the 501st has a totally different social function and is also a public thing rather than a closed private club in terms of events we behave differently.
I had a very long talk with Marcus about the SCA the other day in the car on the way home and we both came to the same conclusion, we're tired of the crap. The bull shit garbage. People being totally mean to each other, people pulling really stupid power plays by withholding information and making a person beg for it, or trying to destroy a group by spreading a bunch of rumours or worse. And I know this happens in the 501st too, god knows we've heard our fair share of the horror stories but we've not stepped into anything so it's fine. I don't mind listening but I hate it when it effects everyone around me to the point that no one is happy.
Right now, given the SCA emails I and Marcus had had to deal with lately no one is happy at all. Not really what you want in a hobby.
Hobby: A hobby is a regular activity or interest that is undertaken for pleasure, typically done during one's leisure time.
There are 2 huge events happening next year 20 years Drachenwald and star wars celebrations Europe. The SCA event has generated little to no enthusiasm that I can find openly online and it takes place next June. Knowing the people who are organizing the 20 years stuff I have already donated quite a lot of artwork and help and honestly it all leaves me flat. The last big anniversary bash at 10 years was chaos mostly and a lot of things were not done very well.
In 24 hours of the announcement the Star Was Celebrations announcement created a wild fire of excitement and I felt proud to be a part of this in a teeny weeny way. We're already planning stuff, costumes, and parties and hotels and just stuff.... and it's going to be just fun fun fun ( with the usual con ups and down one has)
I remember that feeling for the SCA as well. I remember being excited at events and in awe of the crown now I have to drag my ass to an event and any awe I had at the magic or royalty went out of the window a while back for a bunch of reasons I can't get into here.
I, along with others, miss the "old days". We miss the fun when fun meant being social and having a party, some drinks, some food, some songs, a court, some helping out and lots of friendship and joy. I've heard it said a few times that it sucks now because at events person X won't talk to person Y and this group hates that group and it's all THE LINES ARE DRAWN HERE. And I know this story well because we, as a small group of people also drew a line and caused a ruckus. Ultimately I think I am just getting too old for this shit and I lack the patience to try and work with all the special snowflakes out there. Make the job too tedious and we walk away. After all it is a hobby. Right now the 501st doesn't feel like work, the SCA mostly does.
We are missing charismatic people who just do stuff for the joy of it, who don't go overboard on the period "naziism", who accept that the SCA is huge, vastly full of variety and enjoy it for what it is. These folks bring ear plugs to camping events and don't get cranky when kids shriek for joy. These folks help out when needed but are not martyrs to the cause. These are also the folks who get that not everything at an event will be tailored to fit their every whim and need and pack accordingly.
For those who want the über period, do it perfect and never discuss anything modern at all stuff well you know there are other groups for that like the Company of St. George. Maybe instead of trying to force everyone to convert it would be better to find a group that fits your needs better.
For me right now, the Star wars stuff is just so much more fun. I will never truly leave the SCA and as I hold an office atm I'm here for the next 2 years at least but I don't see us going to many events in the future especially as so many of the 501st troops and sci fi cons actually conflict. If I have to choose I'm going to go with fun and easy going every single time. Life is too short to waste it on not fun stuff.
We were at Celebrations Europe in 2007 in London and it was a blast but this time I expect it will be even more fun because this time we are going as members of the 501st and we know a HELL of a lot more people in this circle of hobby. It's 333 days away and I am so jazzed it's scary.
It wasn't until after we had already booked our hotel and then went to bed did we think to ask if this event clashed with the other big event next year,namely Drachenwald 20 year celebration. My immediate statement was that if it did, then Star wars wins because right now we are having a LOT more fun with the 501st / sci fi crowd and events than we are with the SCA.
Luckily for us though there is no conflict. I'm relieved because there will be people coming I really want to see and hang out with it would be sad to miss them as well.
Still it got me thinking this morning about the two hobbies and how very different my current feelings are for them both. I know there are politics and nasty things that go on in the 501st, no group when it gets to a certain size is immune but so far we've managed quite deftly to stay the fuck away from any of that. What I love about the 501st and the star wars costuming groups in general is that there is a single thread that binds everyone, our love for Star wars. And it's fun. I mean it's Star wars come on it's not rocket science, it's fiction and fun. There is a desire to make fabulously exact costumes and be a part of the magic but it's not academia, unless you want it to be then I am pretty sure you could write a thesis about Star wars stuff if you really wanted to.
What I find is pushing me away from the SCA more and more is the ever present push towards extreme periodness and 100% accuracy. While this certainly is a nice goal to move towards the trend these days seems to be if you are not with us on this then you don't belong and I find that sad. This is not what the SCA WAS about. It's certainly not what I look for in the SCA. While I enjoy learning about the medieval world and even enjoy some aspects of recreating that world there's a limit and I don't much care beyond that limit. I'm not going to write lengthy academic papers on anything arts and sciency, and while it's cool that people do wish to do this, not everyone does, wants to or is even able to. Personally I did that for years in University and I've had enough. I know how to research and look stuff up but that's not something I want to do for this particular hobby all the time. I don't strive to be an exact copy of a painting although I admire it when others do. It's not my thing.
Someone asked me recently why the SCA doesn't feel like fun any more and I've done a lot of thinking about this. I can't say why other people don't find it as much fun but for me it stems from the lack of fun, relaxed social gatherings at events. For me the SCA was always a social thing before anything else. My friends play and events are often the only times we get face time to chit chat. So my being told that my chit chat with friends about life the universe and everything is destroying the game for others is like being told no shirt, no shoes, no tie = no entrance go home we don't want you here.
I don't get that feeling with the 501st. At troops where we don't know anyone I feel like an odd stick and it takes a bit before that newness wears off and we find people to talk to but it does happen and then once that barrier is down...the magic starts. At Bayern Park we made friends, we baked in the sun, it was an arduous troop but it was FUN. Although in the 501st vs the SCA in the arena of cooking over fire the SCA wins hands down.
In the last 24hours I have translated an announcement, booked a hotel for a friend and created a list of useful links on a couple of forums and everyone was really happy about this. I don't think I would ever attempt to do this in the SCA anymore without someone saying I am doing it wrong, or complaining about a lack of disclaimers or moaning about the hotel not being period. Hell it seems that anything one does for the SCA is never good enough.
I kinda miss the church basement, broad cloth, T-tunic, cooking on a hot plate and telling stories to pass the time days.It seems now more people are far more concerned with being important, getting rewarded and awards than just having some fun.
In the 501st and the SCA there is a definite push to be as accurate as possible but I guess since the 501st has a totally different social function and is also a public thing rather than a closed private club in terms of events we behave differently.
I had a very long talk with Marcus about the SCA the other day in the car on the way home and we both came to the same conclusion, we're tired of the crap. The bull shit garbage. People being totally mean to each other, people pulling really stupid power plays by withholding information and making a person beg for it, or trying to destroy a group by spreading a bunch of rumours or worse. And I know this happens in the 501st too, god knows we've heard our fair share of the horror stories but we've not stepped into anything so it's fine. I don't mind listening but I hate it when it effects everyone around me to the point that no one is happy.
Right now, given the SCA emails I and Marcus had had to deal with lately no one is happy at all. Not really what you want in a hobby.
Hobby: A hobby is a regular activity or interest that is undertaken for pleasure, typically done during one's leisure time.
There are 2 huge events happening next year 20 years Drachenwald and star wars celebrations Europe. The SCA event has generated little to no enthusiasm that I can find openly online and it takes place next June. Knowing the people who are organizing the 20 years stuff I have already donated quite a lot of artwork and help and honestly it all leaves me flat. The last big anniversary bash at 10 years was chaos mostly and a lot of things were not done very well.
In 24 hours of the announcement the Star Was Celebrations announcement created a wild fire of excitement and I felt proud to be a part of this in a teeny weeny way. We're already planning stuff, costumes, and parties and hotels and just stuff.... and it's going to be just fun fun fun ( with the usual con ups and down one has)
I remember that feeling for the SCA as well. I remember being excited at events and in awe of the crown now I have to drag my ass to an event and any awe I had at the magic or royalty went out of the window a while back for a bunch of reasons I can't get into here.
I, along with others, miss the "old days". We miss the fun when fun meant being social and having a party, some drinks, some food, some songs, a court, some helping out and lots of friendship and joy. I've heard it said a few times that it sucks now because at events person X won't talk to person Y and this group hates that group and it's all THE LINES ARE DRAWN HERE. And I know this story well because we, as a small group of people also drew a line and caused a ruckus. Ultimately I think I am just getting too old for this shit and I lack the patience to try and work with all the special snowflakes out there. Make the job too tedious and we walk away. After all it is a hobby. Right now the 501st doesn't feel like work, the SCA mostly does.
We are missing charismatic people who just do stuff for the joy of it, who don't go overboard on the period "naziism", who accept that the SCA is huge, vastly full of variety and enjoy it for what it is. These folks bring ear plugs to camping events and don't get cranky when kids shriek for joy. These folks help out when needed but are not martyrs to the cause. These are also the folks who get that not everything at an event will be tailored to fit their every whim and need and pack accordingly.
For those who want the über period, do it perfect and never discuss anything modern at all stuff well you know there are other groups for that like the Company of St. George. Maybe instead of trying to force everyone to convert it would be better to find a group that fits your needs better.
For me right now, the Star wars stuff is just so much more fun. I will never truly leave the SCA and as I hold an office atm I'm here for the next 2 years at least but I don't see us going to many events in the future especially as so many of the 501st troops and sci fi cons actually conflict. If I have to choose I'm going to go with fun and easy going every single time. Life is too short to waste it on not fun stuff.
Monday, August 13, 2012
ewww
not overly impressed.
Sunday, August 12, 2012
on the go
This holiday won't be breaking any country records because our best records was 4 countries in 3 weeks but we will be visiting 3. Germany, Austria and Switzerland. Right now we are in Vienna in a pretty nice apartment hotel. We arrived late afternoon and then went out for a late lunch early supper since we had not eaten since breakfast. Last time I was here it was winter, there was snow everywhere and it was bitterly not today. Today was gorgeous, warm, sunny, and delightfully green. We decided in the interest of let's not wait until we're too hungry and our blood sugar drops and we get cranky to eat at TGIFs. Last time we were here it was great but this time not so much. I found a fairly large shard of plexi glass in the salad and the waiter's response made me wonder if plexi glass should actually be on the menu.
The hotel is cool and has free wifi. Since we are pretty exhausted from the drive we called it an early night after stopping at a gas station for supplies. Then back to the hotel to relax, have a coffee and get some needed rest. I guess we'll watch the closing ceremonies of the olympics.
then tomorrow I will see what cool stuff is going on in the art galleries and museums.
The hotel is cool and has free wifi. Since we are pretty exhausted from the drive we called it an early night after stopping at a gas station for supplies. Then back to the hotel to relax, have a coffee and get some needed rest. I guess we'll watch the closing ceremonies of the olympics.
then tomorrow I will see what cool stuff is going on in the art galleries and museums.
Friday, July 20, 2012
something pretty
because art is a good way to counter the bad stuff that happens in this world some days.
Saturday, July 14, 2012
more SCA stuff ( less ranty more thoughtful)
One of the issues that arises fairly regularly is people feeling they are being overlooked for awards. This does happen because the award system is so arbitrary, relying on word of mouth from other people. I think there is a trend which allows for the belief that those with the awards are more important than those who are not loaded down with titles, pointy hats, letters and scrolls. So there seems to be too much emphasis on awards and not enough on the fun. If a person begins to feel they do not get anything for their work while others do they start to see their work as worthless. Sadly this screws up the whole point of an award reward system.
The sad thing is that no one is important and everyone is important. Without the whole the group is nothing. Every person who contributes is vital. So how do you reward this? For me it was by trying to individually thank each scribe that worked for the kingdom while I was Signet with a letter once a year. I'm sure I missed people and probably upset more than my fair share of folks but I tried really hard to let at least the scribes know that what they did mattered a lot. Saying thank you goes a very long way no matter what the service is and it doesn't need to be in award form.
I think we lose perspective after a certain period of time about why we are doing this, and we forget it's just a hobby and it's meant to be fun. Those crowns are not real gold, the kingdom is just pretend and on Monday we all head back to work and real life ensues. When we start playing to be rewarded rather than being rewarded by playing and having fun the hobby becomes a job. I'm not sure how we undo this particular learned behaviour but I do think that if we go into it expecting to be lauded and rewarded for everything we do we set ourselves up for disappointments.
The sad thing is that no one is important and everyone is important. Without the whole the group is nothing. Every person who contributes is vital. So how do you reward this? For me it was by trying to individually thank each scribe that worked for the kingdom while I was Signet with a letter once a year. I'm sure I missed people and probably upset more than my fair share of folks but I tried really hard to let at least the scribes know that what they did mattered a lot. Saying thank you goes a very long way no matter what the service is and it doesn't need to be in award form.
I think we lose perspective after a certain period of time about why we are doing this, and we forget it's just a hobby and it's meant to be fun. Those crowns are not real gold, the kingdom is just pretend and on Monday we all head back to work and real life ensues. When we start playing to be rewarded rather than being rewarded by playing and having fun the hobby becomes a job. I'm not sure how we undo this particular learned behaviour but I do think that if we go into it expecting to be lauded and rewarded for everything we do we set ourselves up for disappointments.
Friday, July 13, 2012
And it's another one of THOSE posts...( bad language ensues)
I swear a LOT in this post so if you don't like swearing I suggest you don't read this. It's loud, mouthy and opinionated. You have been warned.
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The Society for Creative Anachronism, better know as the SCA is in flux. Today on three separate facebook conversations this topic came up. One person announced they'd had enough and wanted to chuck it, another posed the question why this is and another, in chat, discussed with me the concept of giving stuff ( in this case art) away for free and why it sorta sucks.
When I joined the SCA some 20+ years ago now it was fun, I was 19 or 20 and I wasn't involved in anything other party, boys, cool clothes and fun. I served at events and sometimes helped do small stuff but mainly it was fun. Politics came later. Politics is a polite way of saying clashes with other people and their ideas ( or lack of them) etc.
I've been through my fair share of SCA related bullshit. I won't bother to list it all here I'd be writing a 600 page novel and no one wants to read that but I do have some thoughts on why it's currently, particularly here in Europe more than a little fucked up.
1. This is a huge volunteer run group which pays the US for a membership without any real or see-able benefits especially now that our paper newsletter is being removed. Yes there are insurances etc but for the average lay person, the new membership hike ( incidentally to cover a US based lawsuit over what is essentially greed) and the rising costs of events and travel are prohibitive. (I'll get to event costs in a bit)
When you have people paying a membership fee and volunteering their time and money these people expect a certain return. I don't know that this is being met. Right now for us the ONLY reason we are still paid members is we hold offices, other than that we'd have let the membership fee go. You do not have to be a paid member to play. You do have to pay if you want to hold an office. ( there are other reasons as well but I don't care about them so we'll just skip all that, you can go look up the rules on the SCA.org page if you want.
Holding an office is a volunteer thing. You don't get paid for it and it's a thankless, shitty job most of the time. This is made all the harder when offices are not handed over properly so that files and information are not available to the new officer making the job even harder and more frustrating than it has to be. No one really polices the hand over of offices and it's lapsed into a kind of anarchy. I've taken over two in the last 8 months ( I think) or more and both offices I have NO files, no useful information and am sitting blind. So one office will be gone sooner than later I hope and the other one, we'll have to see how that goes. But this sort of BS doesn't make for a happy volunteer. WORKING an office should be easy not a fucking uphill struggle. Training and hand overs should be done with minimum of effort to make the person coming into the office feel at ease not frustrated or unwelcome. (you weren't my first choice but no one else wanted the office is also a line I suggest one never utters out loud either) The person taking over should not have to ask and beg and remind the person leaving the office for all the files and info. It should NOT HAPPEN THIS WAY AT ALL. No wonder no one wants to do these jobs. What a freaking headache. So it's hard to find replacements because really..who needs this sort of crap? We get enough of that in our real lives and work ( well I don't cuz my real life job is fucking awesome and my co workers and my bosses are amazing and I get paid) we do not need it in our free time and hobby.
2. Events. This is a hobby and it should be fun. When you come to an event bear in mind that everyone working at this event is doing so on a volunteer basis so when you sit at a table and announce you won't do any clean up at all because it's your fucking holiday you're NOT exactly adding to the festive feelings. We ( the general volunteer populace) are not here to serve you. Even the people with the titles and the pointy hats need to remember this. Please and thank you GO A LONG FUCKING WAY. Those people who are running the event are not your personal servants. ( no matter how period it may be to have slaves and servants in today's world it's not kosher). If you don't like how things are being run, done, etc... get off yer arse and do something about it. Or leave. ( try not to let that great big huge oak door whack your ass on the way our either we don't want to damage the door)
It's a pretty simple thing. the more people who pitch in and help out where they can the more fun and play time everyone has. Bending the backs of those who already give tons of their time and soul and knowledge and then bitching about everything that doesn't go your way..dude..just leave okay. I'm serious, go find a vacation paradise that caters to your every whim, it will make you a whole lot happier.
Events in Drachenwald can be really magical as well because they usually encompass an entire weekend so you get bed and board for Fri-sun. I don't really know of any other kingdom that does this with the same regularity that we do so when I hear people bitch about how expensive it is I want to scream.
Expensive...in today's world is NOT paying under 100 euro per person for 2 nights, hot showers ( mostly) and food. This is nothing. You want expensive ... try going to fedcon. I see would be event stewards and groups go mad trying to find cheap, period full service sites to cater to the whims of the whiners. Same goes for the people who organize the food. Everyone and their dog seems to have food allergies or dislikes and I've seen people have a full blown meltdown because they couldn't eat a dish out of a 7 course meal at an event due to an allergy. Really? If you have allergies bring extras for yourself, stuff you can and do like to eat, do what we do and go off site and eat something, or don't pay for feast and eat off board but pulling a hairy tantrum only serves to make the people who cook go...what cook for that lot? Again? No fucking way.... I used to enjoy cooking in the SCA but I wouldn't be a head cook for all the tea in china any more. If food is served that I can't eat or don't like you know what I do? I don't eat it, that's what I do. I say no thanks to the server and eat some more of something I do like. In the end this means more for someone else.
If you don't a particular site don't go to that event. If it's too expensive go to a less expensive one nearby. Start smaller local events, etc....
So events are too expensive, the food is never perfect...it's always the same people doing stuff ( one of my favourite sentences in the world) and then when the people who used to do the work stop they get called lazy, or told they are "resting on their laurels". In the SCA you cannot win. When it got back to me that I was doing too many scrolls for the kingdom the solution was pretty easy. I stopped. I can spend my time elsewhere and get paid for it. ( which I did yay me) But I happen to like doing scroll art and the SCA is a great place to practice so I'm back at it.
3. Free art: Yes I hear this a lot and I agree with it to a certain extent. My take on it is this. I don't cook, or clean or do other service stuff but I make scrolls. Scrolls which take my time, energy and equipment and that's my service contribution to the volunteer side of the SCA. It's not my problem that someone else doesn't get this and bitches because they never see me doing "real" service. It doesn't seem to dawn on them that I may not spend half an hour helping in the kitchen because i spent 40 hours at home working on scrolls so I see the event as my down time. It's not free art. I worked very hard to contribute to the group. The art is my contribution. End of discussion. Anyone who thinks I don't do enough service for the SCA and the kingdom can go fuck themselves politely in a cupboard somewhere.
4. recruitment. We need to work on this big time. I've said it before I'll say it again. It starts with the website and right now ours is awful. Instead of being touted as a fun, easy to start off in medieval recreation group we sound like a bunch of boring scholars all trying to out costume or award each other. It's not easy to find information, the information available is pretty blah and with all the medieval groups in Germany alone who the hell would choose us first? I and my husband have a bunch of ideas on recruitment but no one is interested so we apply this to our other hobbies ( online guilds and the 501st)
There is a lot of why bother going on these days. I do understand it. The award system doesn't help. That in itself is a post so I won't touch it here but it fails on as many levels as it works.
The SCA got selfish and insular. Less about partying and having a great time and more about snobbery and who has more bling and titles. I have heard so many people complain about how other people have such great garb and how unfair it is... uhmmm dude you know they made it themselves right? Or about how it's always the same people getting awards.... well that might be because it's always the same people doing the work. Jealousy and apathy seem to be the two major issues we have and I don't know how to fix this.
People get burned out a lot because let's face it who wants to be the constant worker bee?
I do know that I have decided that from now on I do what is fun. Fun encompasses a lot of different things for me but being dicked around isn't one of them. So I will speak my mind on the BS that pisses me off, I will do my damnedest to help my scribes and support them in their arty efforts, I will avoid contact with the people who drive me crazy and I will remember this is a hobby and I do it for fun. If it's not fun I'm walking away.
and that's really the biggest thing I see wrong with the SCA. We forgot it was a hobby and it was supposed to be fun. We got spoiled and we got mean and very self centred.
and yeah I'm going for queen bitch of the universe with this post so award me my pretend pointy hat so I can be a pretend ruler in a pretend kingdom wearing long out of fashion dress-up clothes and hope that people take me seriously enough to fall down to their knees and worship my every breath because booya I IS IMPORTANT!
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The Society for Creative Anachronism, better know as the SCA is in flux. Today on three separate facebook conversations this topic came up. One person announced they'd had enough and wanted to chuck it, another posed the question why this is and another, in chat, discussed with me the concept of giving stuff ( in this case art) away for free and why it sorta sucks.
When I joined the SCA some 20+ years ago now it was fun, I was 19 or 20 and I wasn't involved in anything other party, boys, cool clothes and fun. I served at events and sometimes helped do small stuff but mainly it was fun. Politics came later. Politics is a polite way of saying clashes with other people and their ideas ( or lack of them) etc.
I've been through my fair share of SCA related bullshit. I won't bother to list it all here I'd be writing a 600 page novel and no one wants to read that but I do have some thoughts on why it's currently, particularly here in Europe more than a little fucked up.
1. This is a huge volunteer run group which pays the US for a membership without any real or see-able benefits especially now that our paper newsletter is being removed. Yes there are insurances etc but for the average lay person, the new membership hike ( incidentally to cover a US based lawsuit over what is essentially greed) and the rising costs of events and travel are prohibitive. (I'll get to event costs in a bit)
When you have people paying a membership fee and volunteering their time and money these people expect a certain return. I don't know that this is being met. Right now for us the ONLY reason we are still paid members is we hold offices, other than that we'd have let the membership fee go. You do not have to be a paid member to play. You do have to pay if you want to hold an office. ( there are other reasons as well but I don't care about them so we'll just skip all that, you can go look up the rules on the SCA.org page if you want.
Holding an office is a volunteer thing. You don't get paid for it and it's a thankless, shitty job most of the time. This is made all the harder when offices are not handed over properly so that files and information are not available to the new officer making the job even harder and more frustrating than it has to be. No one really polices the hand over of offices and it's lapsed into a kind of anarchy. I've taken over two in the last 8 months ( I think) or more and both offices I have NO files, no useful information and am sitting blind. So one office will be gone sooner than later I hope and the other one, we'll have to see how that goes. But this sort of BS doesn't make for a happy volunteer. WORKING an office should be easy not a fucking uphill struggle. Training and hand overs should be done with minimum of effort to make the person coming into the office feel at ease not frustrated or unwelcome. (you weren't my first choice but no one else wanted the office is also a line I suggest one never utters out loud either) The person taking over should not have to ask and beg and remind the person leaving the office for all the files and info. It should NOT HAPPEN THIS WAY AT ALL. No wonder no one wants to do these jobs. What a freaking headache. So it's hard to find replacements because really..who needs this sort of crap? We get enough of that in our real lives and work ( well I don't cuz my real life job is fucking awesome and my co workers and my bosses are amazing and I get paid) we do not need it in our free time and hobby.
2. Events. This is a hobby and it should be fun. When you come to an event bear in mind that everyone working at this event is doing so on a volunteer basis so when you sit at a table and announce you won't do any clean up at all because it's your fucking holiday you're NOT exactly adding to the festive feelings. We ( the general volunteer populace) are not here to serve you. Even the people with the titles and the pointy hats need to remember this. Please and thank you GO A LONG FUCKING WAY. Those people who are running the event are not your personal servants. ( no matter how period it may be to have slaves and servants in today's world it's not kosher). If you don't like how things are being run, done, etc... get off yer arse and do something about it. Or leave. ( try not to let that great big huge oak door whack your ass on the way our either we don't want to damage the door)
It's a pretty simple thing. the more people who pitch in and help out where they can the more fun and play time everyone has. Bending the backs of those who already give tons of their time and soul and knowledge and then bitching about everything that doesn't go your way..dude..just leave okay. I'm serious, go find a vacation paradise that caters to your every whim, it will make you a whole lot happier.
Events in Drachenwald can be really magical as well because they usually encompass an entire weekend so you get bed and board for Fri-sun. I don't really know of any other kingdom that does this with the same regularity that we do so when I hear people bitch about how expensive it is I want to scream.
Expensive...in today's world is NOT paying under 100 euro per person for 2 nights, hot showers ( mostly) and food. This is nothing. You want expensive ... try going to fedcon. I see would be event stewards and groups go mad trying to find cheap, period full service sites to cater to the whims of the whiners. Same goes for the people who organize the food. Everyone and their dog seems to have food allergies or dislikes and I've seen people have a full blown meltdown because they couldn't eat a dish out of a 7 course meal at an event due to an allergy. Really? If you have allergies bring extras for yourself, stuff you can and do like to eat, do what we do and go off site and eat something, or don't pay for feast and eat off board but pulling a hairy tantrum only serves to make the people who cook go...what cook for that lot? Again? No fucking way.... I used to enjoy cooking in the SCA but I wouldn't be a head cook for all the tea in china any more. If food is served that I can't eat or don't like you know what I do? I don't eat it, that's what I do. I say no thanks to the server and eat some more of something I do like. In the end this means more for someone else.
If you don't a particular site don't go to that event. If it's too expensive go to a less expensive one nearby. Start smaller local events, etc....
So events are too expensive, the food is never perfect...it's always the same people doing stuff ( one of my favourite sentences in the world) and then when the people who used to do the work stop they get called lazy, or told they are "resting on their laurels". In the SCA you cannot win. When it got back to me that I was doing too many scrolls for the kingdom the solution was pretty easy. I stopped. I can spend my time elsewhere and get paid for it. ( which I did yay me) But I happen to like doing scroll art and the SCA is a great place to practice so I'm back at it.
3. Free art: Yes I hear this a lot and I agree with it to a certain extent. My take on it is this. I don't cook, or clean or do other service stuff but I make scrolls. Scrolls which take my time, energy and equipment and that's my service contribution to the volunteer side of the SCA. It's not my problem that someone else doesn't get this and bitches because they never see me doing "real" service. It doesn't seem to dawn on them that I may not spend half an hour helping in the kitchen because i spent 40 hours at home working on scrolls so I see the event as my down time. It's not free art. I worked very hard to contribute to the group. The art is my contribution. End of discussion. Anyone who thinks I don't do enough service for the SCA and the kingdom can go fuck themselves politely in a cupboard somewhere.
4. recruitment. We need to work on this big time. I've said it before I'll say it again. It starts with the website and right now ours is awful. Instead of being touted as a fun, easy to start off in medieval recreation group we sound like a bunch of boring scholars all trying to out costume or award each other. It's not easy to find information, the information available is pretty blah and with all the medieval groups in Germany alone who the hell would choose us first? I and my husband have a bunch of ideas on recruitment but no one is interested so we apply this to our other hobbies ( online guilds and the 501st)
There is a lot of why bother going on these days. I do understand it. The award system doesn't help. That in itself is a post so I won't touch it here but it fails on as many levels as it works.
The SCA got selfish and insular. Less about partying and having a great time and more about snobbery and who has more bling and titles. I have heard so many people complain about how other people have such great garb and how unfair it is... uhmmm dude you know they made it themselves right? Or about how it's always the same people getting awards.... well that might be because it's always the same people doing the work. Jealousy and apathy seem to be the two major issues we have and I don't know how to fix this.
People get burned out a lot because let's face it who wants to be the constant worker bee?
I do know that I have decided that from now on I do what is fun. Fun encompasses a lot of different things for me but being dicked around isn't one of them. So I will speak my mind on the BS that pisses me off, I will do my damnedest to help my scribes and support them in their arty efforts, I will avoid contact with the people who drive me crazy and I will remember this is a hobby and I do it for fun. If it's not fun I'm walking away.
and that's really the biggest thing I see wrong with the SCA. We forgot it was a hobby and it was supposed to be fun. We got spoiled and we got mean and very self centred.
and yeah I'm going for queen bitch of the universe with this post so award me my pretend pointy hat so I can be a pretend ruler in a pretend kingdom wearing long out of fashion dress-up clothes and hope that people take me seriously enough to fall down to their knees and worship my every breath because booya I IS IMPORTANT!
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Aftermath
I'm getting older and my body is showing this by taking a lot longer to recover from stuff than it used to. That being said... Legoland 2012 was awesome.
We drove up early because we'd agreed to a Friday troop. Starting earlier = way more fun in my books so after manic packing and a few moments of omgdowehaveeverything we were off.
It takes us around 3.5 hours to drive to Billund so not long at all and I'm always struck by the fact that we suddenly go from one country to another with only a sign to let us know this has happened. No customs, no border guards, no TSA like goons, nothing just a road, a sign and a different language and oh yeah a speed limit.
I was finishing the hand sewing on the last of the hats I promised I would make ( imperial officer hats) so that kept me busy but other than that the trip was uneventful and nice.
Legoland is huge. But we did this last year so this year we knew the ropes. We arrived at the camping place and were met by the other early birds. It's a glorious feeling to be welcomed with hugs and smiles by people, that in reality, one barely knows but through facebook and forums has a great friendship with.
We got our key, dumped our stuff, some hats were quickly nabbed and then eventually we got dressed and went to troop in the park on a Friday. Glorious and then it started to rain - typical.
Once we got back from the troop we dried off, changed and then kinda of partied for a bit then settled down with our cabin mates and friends to play star wars trivial pursuit. I have not laughed so hard in ages. And it amazes me how people I really only barely know could feel like such close comrades and freinds, almost family. But trooping is hard work and we all put so much time and effort into our costumes that it bonds us together. We're all there for one purpose and that's to troop and bring smiles to the faces of kids and parents alike. There are no big awards, no payments, no real hierarchy there are just smiles and a lot of very cool pictures.
We stayed up quite late but not too late and the next day it was go go go. We all had breakfast like last year in the main legoland cantina and then it was off to the changing tent which this year was in a different location. Big downer was the dirt floor. We all have to change costumes and a dirt floor + rain even with a tent = unhappy people. Someone found dry cardboard boxes later on in the day and that helped but next year I hope this idea changes to something more suitable.
This year Jake Lloyd was there as a guest and this changed things around a bit with the parade being bumped up and too much standing around. But still cool. Once we had done the parade through the park it was troop time for me and my squad.
We had a lot of fun but it was incredibly crowded on Sat afternoon and our supporter was new and had some problems wrangling crowd and us. ( In full mask costume especially as a tusken you see NOTHING) He kept wanting to go back but I said no. We found a place to park and let people come to us for pictures then after that we headed back to the change tent.
I had a lot of fun with my Tusken husband this year. ( did last year too but different guy) We play to the crowd, we pretend to be curious about stuff the parents have on them especially if the kids are a little nervous because it makes them laugh. This year I got my 1st kid hug. Seriously a kid ran up to Sigge and I and hugged us both fiercely. Who the hell hugs tusken raiders? It was a teary moment for me. This is the main thing that really sticks out when you do this star wars 501st troop stuff. The absolute love for the characters that people have, it's almost overwhelming at times. On Sunday a little girl gave me her blankie which I took, hugged then gave back. Another awwwwww moment.
Saturday afternoon we paraded again, big parade all the members there and lots of people in the park, huge thing. We parked it by the big stage for photos and then it was off duty. Change and dinner.
It's a buffet style meal we pre pay for and it's well worth every cent/ Kroner. Once drink orders are taken and food is eaten come the speeches which are always fun and some things are given out, also always cool and then slowly people head back to camp to party. We had a fun time just walking back to the huts. You don't have to be nuts to be a 501st member but it seriously adds to the fun.
The party went on a long time. This time in difference to my usual habits I stayed up really late chatting with a really good friend and getting to know more people. I floated about, partook in the ritual of Salmiaki and for the first time in a long time felt very comfortable and happy just being apart of something big without any mass politics - yes they are there but not for me. I really like the fact that this is many countries worth of people all hanging out and having fun. Next morning ( hut 46) we were ALL late and it was freaking pouring. Good that Marcus and I brought along two really huge umbrellas.
Sunday's troop was a lot more low key, people were tired and the weather was crappy. Cold and rainy is so typical for Billund that this year I actually made waterproof tusken boots which is very ironic all things considered. In the morning before parade and troop I had a few moments of free time so the Dutch garrison guys decided that Thomas, Sigge and I should go on the blizzard express with them. I have not been on any sort of a roller coaster in years I can't handle the G-forces any more. But this was all good! In fact I enjoyed it so much I went a 2nd time! ( yay us)
Parade and then trooping and then a very short break then more trooping then another parade. It was almost too much. Both days our squad was scheduled with parade the direct troop so both days we missed lunch. Luckily someone made sure there was food when we returned but still. I think we should actually have a proper 1/2 hour lunch break after the parade. It would help a bit with the feeling of go go go and also make sure everyone eats. These are just some minor suggestions for making it better next year. After the last parade everyone who is still there packs up and goes home and it's a bit weird as we all sort of dribble away. Luckily for us our very good friends from the Swiss garrison were staying with us for a few days so our event / troop feeling lasts longer and the comedown is not so hard but still, wiped out and a little down it's taken me ages to get this post up.
This is a troop which is permanently on our to do calendar. these people are remarkable and this event is, aside from some small issues, amazingly awesome. It is an honour and a privilege to troop with these people.
I could say so much more, tell so any more stories but that would mean writing a book so for the rest of the pictures you can go here. legoland 2012
We drove up early because we'd agreed to a Friday troop. Starting earlier = way more fun in my books so after manic packing and a few moments of omgdowehaveeverything we were off.
It takes us around 3.5 hours to drive to Billund so not long at all and I'm always struck by the fact that we suddenly go from one country to another with only a sign to let us know this has happened. No customs, no border guards, no TSA like goons, nothing just a road, a sign and a different language and oh yeah a speed limit.
I was finishing the hand sewing on the last of the hats I promised I would make ( imperial officer hats) so that kept me busy but other than that the trip was uneventful and nice.
 |
| Driving to Billund! |
 |
| hats! |
Legoland is huge. But we did this last year so this year we knew the ropes. We arrived at the camping place and were met by the other early birds. It's a glorious feeling to be welcomed with hugs and smiles by people, that in reality, one barely knows but through facebook and forums has a great friendship with.
We got our key, dumped our stuff, some hats were quickly nabbed and then eventually we got dressed and went to troop in the park on a Friday. Glorious and then it started to rain - typical.
Once we got back from the troop we dried off, changed and then kinda of partied for a bit then settled down with our cabin mates and friends to play star wars trivial pursuit. I have not laughed so hard in ages. And it amazes me how people I really only barely know could feel like such close comrades and freinds, almost family. But trooping is hard work and we all put so much time and effort into our costumes that it bonds us together. We're all there for one purpose and that's to troop and bring smiles to the faces of kids and parents alike. There are no big awards, no payments, no real hierarchy there are just smiles and a lot of very cool pictures.
 |
| Andrew and the pink cap of awesomeness. ( he didn't win though) |
We stayed up quite late but not too late and the next day it was go go go. We all had breakfast like last year in the main legoland cantina and then it was off to the changing tent which this year was in a different location. Big downer was the dirt floor. We all have to change costumes and a dirt floor + rain even with a tent = unhappy people. Someone found dry cardboard boxes later on in the day and that helped but next year I hope this idea changes to something more suitable.
This year Jake Lloyd was there as a guest and this changed things around a bit with the parade being bumped up and too much standing around. But still cool. Once we had done the parade through the park it was troop time for me and my squad.
 |
| Lima Squad |
We had a lot of fun but it was incredibly crowded on Sat afternoon and our supporter was new and had some problems wrangling crowd and us. ( In full mask costume especially as a tusken you see NOTHING) He kept wanting to go back but I said no. We found a place to park and let people come to us for pictures then after that we headed back to the change tent.
I had a lot of fun with my Tusken husband this year. ( did last year too but different guy) We play to the crowd, we pretend to be curious about stuff the parents have on them especially if the kids are a little nervous because it makes them laugh. This year I got my 1st kid hug. Seriously a kid ran up to Sigge and I and hugged us both fiercely. Who the hell hugs tusken raiders? It was a teary moment for me. This is the main thing that really sticks out when you do this star wars 501st troop stuff. The absolute love for the characters that people have, it's almost overwhelming at times. On Sunday a little girl gave me her blankie which I took, hugged then gave back. Another awwwwww moment.
Saturday afternoon we paraded again, big parade all the members there and lots of people in the park, huge thing. We parked it by the big stage for photos and then it was off duty. Change and dinner.
 |
| Dinner and speeches. |
It's a buffet style meal we pre pay for and it's well worth every cent/ Kroner. Once drink orders are taken and food is eaten come the speeches which are always fun and some things are given out, also always cool and then slowly people head back to camp to party. We had a fun time just walking back to the huts. You don't have to be nuts to be a 501st member but it seriously adds to the fun.
The party went on a long time. This time in difference to my usual habits I stayed up really late chatting with a really good friend and getting to know more people. I floated about, partook in the ritual of Salmiaki and for the first time in a long time felt very comfortable and happy just being apart of something big without any mass politics - yes they are there but not for me. I really like the fact that this is many countries worth of people all hanging out and having fun. Next morning ( hut 46) we were ALL late and it was freaking pouring. Good that Marcus and I brought along two really huge umbrellas.
Sunday's troop was a lot more low key, people were tired and the weather was crappy. Cold and rainy is so typical for Billund that this year I actually made waterproof tusken boots which is very ironic all things considered. In the morning before parade and troop I had a few moments of free time so the Dutch garrison guys decided that Thomas, Sigge and I should go on the blizzard express with them. I have not been on any sort of a roller coaster in years I can't handle the G-forces any more. But this was all good! In fact I enjoyed it so much I went a 2nd time! ( yay us)
 |
| The dutch try to kill me with a roller-coaster |
Parade and then trooping and then a very short break then more trooping then another parade. It was almost too much. Both days our squad was scheduled with parade the direct troop so both days we missed lunch. Luckily someone made sure there was food when we returned but still. I think we should actually have a proper 1/2 hour lunch break after the parade. It would help a bit with the feeling of go go go and also make sure everyone eats. These are just some minor suggestions for making it better next year. After the last parade everyone who is still there packs up and goes home and it's a bit weird as we all sort of dribble away. Luckily for us our very good friends from the Swiss garrison were staying with us for a few days so our event / troop feeling lasts longer and the comedown is not so hard but still, wiped out and a little down it's taken me ages to get this post up.
 |
| group shot |
I could say so much more, tell so any more stories but that would mean writing a book so for the rest of the pictures you can go here. legoland 2012
Monday, June 25, 2012
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
irreconcilable differences
In which I ramble and spout thoughts.
Yesterday a very good and dear friend came to hang out, chat and do that coffee / cake thing. It was awesome. I'm glad to see her start to get her mojo again. She went through a really rough time ( not my story to tell) and had more than a few people tell her some really mean things, again not my story to tell. We met through the SCA and about 80% of our conversation was about the SCA. I realised after she had gone home that I didn't really have a lot of nice things to say about this hobby and where it currently is anymore.
I've been playing SCA since I was 19 more or less and I'm 46 now so do the math. When I started I was a wild thing more interested in fun, booze and boys than anything else. My relationship with this hobby for the first 8- 10 years was mostly pure fun. Then I had a falling out with a couple of people who hurt me, deeply, so deeply that it still hurts and I still wonder why they did what they did to me. It's ancient history and I've mostly let it go but that sting, that twinge of why didn't you guys just be honest and say something up front is still there. I remember clearly feeling very betrayed by EVERYONE and I walked away, I also had other things to worry about, like school and stuff.
Now I am sure I've also hurt my fair share of people and done more than my fair share of really stupid things so I try to keep this in mind when I get on an SCA downer but I must admit lately it seems to be getting harder and harder for me to just enjoy it.
My favourite SCA times are from Newfoundland, the shire with the unspeakable name at the edge of the world. In my memory, in spite of some major lows, these were the very best years ever. The whole shire brunched together every single Sunday and were were friends, lovers, mates, etc.... we were family and I think my biggest problem is I want THAT feeling back.
It occurred to me as I lay in bed this morning thinking about this that my biggest problem right now is I feel as though I don't belong any more. I'm an out dated fossil whose time has passed. I don't think this is actually true but it does sum up how I feel. Displaced and out of time ( as in wrong place and time).
It's hard to be in the SCA in Germany. The central region seems to be all tiny groups and divisive bitching. People vying for awards and pats on the head. Many people seem to view the award system with being important. The more shinies you have the more important you are. I think this has been a problem in the SCA for a long time but it's very prevalent here and I wish people would understand that really no one is important and everyone is important. This is a hobby not a job. ( at least it shouldn't be a job at all)
There's no real sense of community here. We had that once when we first formed the shire, there were six of us, close friends and working together. The stars on the Shire device represents each of us. Every time I see the shire device I am reminded of where we began and why and when I see what we have become it makes me sad. I am partly to blame though and I know this but changing that seems to be too big of a task and I don't want to be caught in the middle of a never ending struggle for power brought on by jealousy.
My lack of enthusiasm and my unwillingness to change seem to go hand in hand with the general malaise. I would hold A&S stuff at my house but quite honestly there are people I just do not want in my home. Is this evil? I don't think so, maybe it's me being mean but at least I think it's an honest answer.
But groups grow and divide as is their nature and couples split causing lines of division. Alliances shift and change and somehow things never quite seem the same. Right now, for me, here in this place it's like white noise in my head. I'm not the only person who has noticed this club, our hobby, isn't what it once was. law suits and risings costs, rules and regulations, and a general lack of ability to keep up with the technological times seem to be huge issues. One only has to look at the websites of many kingdoms and shire to see just how lacking we are. Given that the first impression of a club now is their webpage, who the hell would join us? When I compare how we present who we are and what we do with how the 501st does I truly despair. We look like a bunch of boring, disorganized bureaucrats. We don't really present the club's strengths and it doesn't surprise me that we don't pick up new members all that much. We don't really show off an enticing, exciting face. We have so much going for us as a club but oddly enough on first blush all people really see are the dull bits.
the 501st
http://www.sca.org/
http://www.drachenwald.sca.org/index_new.php
So I pare down my SCA dealings to good friends and my SCA family, when I get a chance to see them, or hear form them as they are all over the known world. I took on one office to pull friends out of a bind but really in retrospect I shouldn't have. I asked for advice and help and got none. Then when help did come, surprisingly from an unexpected source I no longer cared. It angers me that I've let my apathy creep in. I don't like doing a bad job of things yet here I am doing a bad job. So what did I do? I took on a second job. I took on Signet but that will be fun, it's a job I know and like.
So I'm drifting. I feel as though I no longer belong, as though I no longer have a place. I am aware that the only person who can really change this is me and that all of my ennui is entirely my own. I am aware that only I can make myself happy and only I can enjoy the hobby at hand. I stay away from events because I don't feel the need to infect the world at large with my unhappiness. I stay away from events because the last few times with one exception it felt to me as though I were an unwelcome annoyance ( not true I'm sure but perception is everything sometimes) We create our own reality. I certainly create mine. Irreconcilable differences. After such a long time I wonder if it is possible to just go back to holding hands and laughing at silly things.
 |
| Back when things were fun. |
Yesterday a very good and dear friend came to hang out, chat and do that coffee / cake thing. It was awesome. I'm glad to see her start to get her mojo again. She went through a really rough time ( not my story to tell) and had more than a few people tell her some really mean things, again not my story to tell. We met through the SCA and about 80% of our conversation was about the SCA. I realised after she had gone home that I didn't really have a lot of nice things to say about this hobby and where it currently is anymore.
I've been playing SCA since I was 19 more or less and I'm 46 now so do the math. When I started I was a wild thing more interested in fun, booze and boys than anything else. My relationship with this hobby for the first 8- 10 years was mostly pure fun. Then I had a falling out with a couple of people who hurt me, deeply, so deeply that it still hurts and I still wonder why they did what they did to me. It's ancient history and I've mostly let it go but that sting, that twinge of why didn't you guys just be honest and say something up front is still there. I remember clearly feeling very betrayed by EVERYONE and I walked away, I also had other things to worry about, like school and stuff.
Now I am sure I've also hurt my fair share of people and done more than my fair share of really stupid things so I try to keep this in mind when I get on an SCA downer but I must admit lately it seems to be getting harder and harder for me to just enjoy it.
My favourite SCA times are from Newfoundland, the shire with the unspeakable name at the edge of the world. In my memory, in spite of some major lows, these were the very best years ever. The whole shire brunched together every single Sunday and were were friends, lovers, mates, etc.... we were family and I think my biggest problem is I want THAT feeling back.
It occurred to me as I lay in bed this morning thinking about this that my biggest problem right now is I feel as though I don't belong any more. I'm an out dated fossil whose time has passed. I don't think this is actually true but it does sum up how I feel. Displaced and out of time ( as in wrong place and time).
It's hard to be in the SCA in Germany. The central region seems to be all tiny groups and divisive bitching. People vying for awards and pats on the head. Many people seem to view the award system with being important. The more shinies you have the more important you are. I think this has been a problem in the SCA for a long time but it's very prevalent here and I wish people would understand that really no one is important and everyone is important. This is a hobby not a job. ( at least it shouldn't be a job at all)
There's no real sense of community here. We had that once when we first formed the shire, there were six of us, close friends and working together. The stars on the Shire device represents each of us. Every time I see the shire device I am reminded of where we began and why and when I see what we have become it makes me sad. I am partly to blame though and I know this but changing that seems to be too big of a task and I don't want to be caught in the middle of a never ending struggle for power brought on by jealousy.
 |
| Aventiure: the six stars for the six founding members Skarf, Leo, Marcus, Maeva, Ele and me. It's black and white to remind us that everything story has two sides and that while it may appear so not everything is black and white. |
My lack of enthusiasm and my unwillingness to change seem to go hand in hand with the general malaise. I would hold A&S stuff at my house but quite honestly there are people I just do not want in my home. Is this evil? I don't think so, maybe it's me being mean but at least I think it's an honest answer.
But groups grow and divide as is their nature and couples split causing lines of division. Alliances shift and change and somehow things never quite seem the same. Right now, for me, here in this place it's like white noise in my head. I'm not the only person who has noticed this club, our hobby, isn't what it once was. law suits and risings costs, rules and regulations, and a general lack of ability to keep up with the technological times seem to be huge issues. One only has to look at the websites of many kingdoms and shire to see just how lacking we are. Given that the first impression of a club now is their webpage, who the hell would join us? When I compare how we present who we are and what we do with how the 501st does I truly despair. We look like a bunch of boring, disorganized bureaucrats. We don't really present the club's strengths and it doesn't surprise me that we don't pick up new members all that much. We don't really show off an enticing, exciting face. We have so much going for us as a club but oddly enough on first blush all people really see are the dull bits.
the 501st
http://www.sca.org/
http://www.drachenwald.sca.org/index_new.php
So I pare down my SCA dealings to good friends and my SCA family, when I get a chance to see them, or hear form them as they are all over the known world. I took on one office to pull friends out of a bind but really in retrospect I shouldn't have. I asked for advice and help and got none. Then when help did come, surprisingly from an unexpected source I no longer cared. It angers me that I've let my apathy creep in. I don't like doing a bad job of things yet here I am doing a bad job. So what did I do? I took on a second job. I took on Signet but that will be fun, it's a job I know and like.
So I'm drifting. I feel as though I no longer belong, as though I no longer have a place. I am aware that the only person who can really change this is me and that all of my ennui is entirely my own. I am aware that only I can make myself happy and only I can enjoy the hobby at hand. I stay away from events because I don't feel the need to infect the world at large with my unhappiness. I stay away from events because the last few times with one exception it felt to me as though I were an unwelcome annoyance ( not true I'm sure but perception is everything sometimes) We create our own reality. I certainly create mine. Irreconcilable differences. After such a long time I wonder if it is possible to just go back to holding hands and laughing at silly things.
 |
| pennsic 15. When we were young and life was less complicated. |
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
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