The age of adulthood.

It's not been widely spoken of but Marcus's 83 year of dad has been in the hospital for the last month or so due to complications with his heart.It's not been a particularly easy time especially since his mum isn't really mobile. It's been pretty difficult all around for a variety of reasons none of which need to be written about in a blog. Just before we were due to leave for DW and then Fedcon and things had not been going as planned though whose plan exactly is still a mystery to me, I was asked my his mum how long my dad was in hospital for. The question threw me for a loop because really aside from the week or so he was there for the diagnosis of terminal cancer his last hospital stay was until he died. I didn't know how to answer her question because my 1st impulse was to say well he never came out of it which given the current state of her being would not have been a good thing to utter. And the question made me sad, it was a stupid and thoughtless question from a person who right now is very wrapped up in her own drama ( in the true sense of that word not the queenly sense of that word). Both Marcus and I have been pretty stoic about this whole thing because until something terrible happens there's not much else to do. There are good days and not so good days but for a guy who is 83 and had heart valve replacement he seems to be doing okay.

I've been through this before. Going to the hospital makes me sad, it dredges up a billion horrible memories which I try to keep choked down so that at least 2 people are somewhat calm and not utterly freaked out by everything but it's hard especially for Marcus who is the rock for his mum right now.

So we're stressed and trying not to show it or let it get to either of us but it's a shitty time all around right now with pockets of fun and light in between. And somehow this time it feels as though this is the benchmark of being an adult, taking care of one's parents, being the care giver instead of the one needing taking care of. In the last month I've felt old and Marcus has more grey hair, he looks tired and he's put on weight and I wonder when this happened because it seems like only yesterday we were all young and carefree.

People get ill and they die and it's horribly sad. Deaths of those we love leave huge holes in our hearts. I hope that we don't have to cope with this for a while yet. I rather love my father in law and dearly want to keep him around for a while.